


One bad gloop (crackfic)

by Sage_the_silent



Category: Haikyuu!!, My Chemical Romance, Shrek (Movies)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Cause all my work is reminiscent to this, Character Death, Dont ask why corpse husband is here, Emotional, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Ice Skating, M/M, Mentioned Suna Rintarou, Miya Atsumu Needs a Hug, My creative writing teacher hates me., Oh My God, Pain, Sad, Sad Miya Atsumu, Sakusa Kiyoomi is Bad at Feelings, Satire, Shrek is Love Shrek is Life, The Black Parade, This Is STUPID, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Vampire Gerard Way, Why Did I Write This?, dear god help me, what the fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29191737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sage_the_silent/pseuds/Sage_the_silent
Summary: Alright I've lost my ability to write anything decent so please take this crackfic. This is purely satirical and meant to be stupid and off character with everyone so silence yourself.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	One bad gloop (crackfic)

The ring was chilly and the crowd cheered as sakusa did a triple whirl green moose guava juice birthday cake giant shake bite my ass twirl on the ice. Why was he ice skating? Why was he good at it? To impress none other than his dear friends. Suna, Gerard and shrek and the love of his life.... Atsumu.  
Atsumu was all sakusa ever wanted but alas there was someone in his way. OBAMA! DUN DUN DUN!!  
Sakusa almost lost balance when Obama came plowing through the ring on a zamboni or whatever the fuck theyre called I wouldn't know I've only been to 1 hockey game and I hated it.  
"Obama"! Suna shouted from the crowds  
He ran into the ring almost slipping on that WAP (wet ass Portugal)   
Suna climbed onto the zoop and gave Obama a hug   
"Suna! I haven't seen you since the great stanky leg competition"!   
Gerard was full of anger he knew Sakusa was trying to get Atsumu so he took matters into his own hands and hired an assassin (this is important later)   
Sakusa yelled at obamama   
"BINCH! YOUTH STOLEN MINE HEART"!   
He skated quickly to the zambalamba. Jesus fuck how could he? Obama cried and fell off the zooliloomper hitting his gorgeous head on the ice. He slipped around like butter in a pan hitting the sides of the ring like a windows screen saver. Obama was enjoying his time skating while Sakusa threw a temper tantrum on the ice.  
"I LOVE YOU ATSUMU"! He declared   
Atsumu began to cry as he knew he really did love sakusa.shrek smiled with glee as he finally saw the two find the love they deserved.   
"I OBJECT"! Gerard yelled. The crowd shit themselves and cried and farted.   
Gerard and Sakusa had a slap fight on the ice and break danced at each other. It was interrupted by Obama sliding into their dms and knocking them over  
"You bow to my throne! Unaware it is built of lies"! Gerard screamed like an edgelord.  
Suna sobbed as he didnt know how to get off from the giant robot mop from hell. Everyone's attention was driven to Suna as he got up and was suddenly in one of those gospel choir robes and began to aggressively yodel. Suddenly singing pop sensation peter Griffin broke through the ice and applauded Suna on his skills and then proceeded to fucking die.   
How dare he....  
Atsumu kisses Sakusa and they did figure 8s around the ice ring being careful not to bump into Obama. Gerard sobbed because he had lost and shrek was now ascending to godhood. Gerard plan had failed. Atsumu and Sakusa were so blinded by their love suddenly a A FUCKING MONSTER TRUCK BURST THROUGH THE WALL AND FUCKING HIT SHREK!  
Everyone gasped as corpse husband climbed out of the dragula with Bingus on his shoulder. He looked to Gerard   
"Did I get the right guy"?   
Herard knew he made a mistake and everyone stopped what they were doing to come to shrek's aid.   
"Omg shrek"!   
Shrek coughed "Sakusa"...   
Sakusa leaned closer to his dying friend   
"You... Are.... One... bad... Gloop"


End file.
